Tiger's Talk

A lot was made over Tiger’s mea culpa this past Friday. Some PGA players were upset at the timing, since it took place on during the Accenture Match Play Championship. People speculated that Tiger timed his press conference to get back at Accenture for dropping him as a sponsor. PGA officials however, have stated that they gave Tiger clearance for the press conference and granted him access to their facilities to conduct his public engagement.

Let’s be honest, Ernie Els can complain all he wants but the fact remains that the PGA is a shadow of what itself without Tiger. Since Tiger joined the PGA, purses have tripled, mediocre golfers are getting noticed and sponsorship money is at an all time high. Rocco Mediate is still doing interviews because his greatest achievement as a golfer is LOSING to Tiger Woods. Golf has become much more popular with a much younger crowd. That’s because of Tiger Woods. So back off and let the guy speak—it doesn’t matter if it’s during the final round of the Masters--he’s only been putting food on your table for the last 13 years.

Even if Tiger’s timing was vindictive, so what? Tiger is bigger than any non-major event on the tour. This is clear when you look at the attendance of any non-major event. Patron Passes sell out when Tiger confirms his participation. He’s like an instant cash infusion. Last weekend’s event was marginalized because Tiger wasn’t playing, his press conference actually drew more attention to the event because news crews wanted the reaction from other players. Ernie Els should be thanking him because if not for Tiger nobody would have put a microphone in front of his face.

Some people think Tiger’s response was insincere. He read a statement and didn’t speak from the heart. So? Tiger is not a person anymore, he is a corporation. Tiger can’t afford to speak from the heart because he is responsible for an enterprise that is worth more than a billion dollars. Corporations hire PR firms to craft statements, that’s what Tiger did.

People have tried to compare Tiger’s exploits to those experienced by other athletes. The problem is, there’s no comparison. A friend asked me what people would have thought if another golfer had done the same thing. I told him they wouldn’t have thought anything because people don’t care about other golfers. Tiger’s extramarital adventures are bigger news then Bill Clinton’s office BJ from Monica Lewinsky.

Tiger Woods is the biggest name in sports, which is amazing because he plays a sport few people find interesting. Tiger is bigger than the NHL or the NBA, which is why his affair(s), that doesn’t include criminal charges, is bigger news than Kobe Bryant’s. Granted, the allegations against Kobe were false but Kobe didn’t take time away from the game. He might have missed a start or two, but he didn’t take a leave of absence and enter rehab. Koba apologized to his fans and sponsors, bought his wife a big diamond ring and moved on. He endured a season’s worth of consternation from some fans, but he wasn’t taken to task the way Tiger has been.

Tiger’s demise is bigger news than Michael Vick, who actually committed crimes. He did Federal time and could very well be starting at QB for an NFL team next year.

Tiger didn’t break any laws. Forget about the petty traffic violations, nobody in their right mind thinks anything of that. People like to speculate as to what really happened, but Tiger’s not talking. Did Elin take after him with a sand wedge? Maybe, but that’s really between them. The cops seem satisfied with issuing a citation and hitting Tiger up for the cost to repair the damage. No big deal.

Ultimately Tiger cheated on his wife. He didn’t hurt anybody else. The women he slept with knew who he was and knew that he was married. They were using him as much as—prehaps even more than—he was using them. Tiger wanted sex, they wanted money, fame or both. He doesn’t owe any of them an apology. He doesn’t owe his fans an apology. He only has to make amends with his wife.

Tiger never cultivated an image. He was always a robotic prick who wanted to win. His focus on the task at hand caused him to be less than engaging with fans in the gallery. If things weren’t going well he could become surly and he was known for flinging around some harsh language. Of course anybody who has golfed will tell you that the most commonly heard four letter word shouted on the course is not ‘fore’ but it tends to follw a shot as well and it also starts with the letter ‘f”. To be honest, club throwing and cursing is all too common a sight on a golf course. It’s just that Tiger tends to be on camera more than any other golfer.

Because Tiger tends to be so robotic, people created an image for him. We assumed that he was so dedicated to golf that there wasn’t much off the course that brought him pleasure. We didn’t see him yucking it up with celebrities or clowning around on Saturday Night Live like Peyton Manning, but even though Tiger never tipped us off to his sexual transgressions, he also never gave us any reason to assume he was a boy scout. Tiger failed to live up to our expectations, but why did we have those expectations? What did Tiger do to make us assume he was a saint?

It’s not like Steve Garvey who wholeheartedly embraced his “Mr. Clean” persona, even though he was cheating on his wife. A lot. It’s also not like John Edwards who presented himself as a loving husband standing by his wife’s side while she battled cancer only to maintain an child-bearing affair with a tasty blonde. Tiger always kept his personal life under wraps and he never tried to sell us a persona. He always comes across as stiff and robotic.

Of course now people are questioning his sincerity. They aren’t buying Tiger’s apology. He let his lawyers write a statement and then he read it before a carefully selected audience that was not allowed to ask him any questions. How dare he?

But who is Tiger supposed to answer to? His sponsors have a choice, they can cut ties with him and find somebody who fits their image. Tiger’s fans have a choice as well, they can hop on the Mickelson bandwagon and cheer while Phil fights to keep his man boobs from chafing. The only people Tiger has to face are those he hurt. His wife and his family get to judge him. They’ll determine whether or not he’s sincere.

If Tiger’s putting on an act, it’s not for us it’s for them. He didn’t violate our trust. There’s no reason he can’t go back on the PGA tour tomorrow and win another PGA Player of the Year trophy. Moreover, he can do continue to cheat on his wife while he does it.

Tiger is a global icon. He transcends what we understand of fame. This guy is a golfer and he has made Michael Jordan look like a bush league side show. What sets Tiger apart is the way he has distanced himself from the spotlight. Tiger does commercials because he gets paid to. He does golf-oriented interviews because he has to, although it’s often lamented that he doesn’t do many golf-oriented interviews and is quick to retreat into seclusion. If Tiger wanted more exposure he could surely have it but Tiger opts to keep a pretty low profile. Yeah, we see a lot of Tiger, but how much of it is initiated by him? The guy seems genuinely uncomfortable with attention.

He also seems genuinely concerned about his marriage. Other celebrities don’t take time off to make things right, not unless a judge tells them to, anyway. Tiger is, for all intents and purposes, a rock star. He’s rich, he’s got millions of fans who go out of their way to see him perform and his wife is a bikini model. Is it any wonder that he’s a womanizer?

Tiger spoke of the temptations he faced and the sense of entitlement he felt. He worked hard all his life to be the best in the world. He deserved the spoils. Of course he didn’t think about how it would affect other people, that’s probably because those people aren’t in the gym at 6:00am working their butts off to be the best.

Were his actions selfish? Sure, but isn’t the culture of professional athleticism inherently selfish as well? The amount of work you have to put in to being the best at what you do demands it. Tiger was raised to put his success on the golf course first and a by product of that is not thinking about how your actions will affect others. Why do you think so many people of Tiger’s ilk--other professional athletes, actors, singers…politicians--seem more likely to cheat on their spouses?

Tiger’s sincerity is nobody’s concern but Elin’s. There’s no question that every word was measured but he doesn’t have to speak from the heart to anybody but the people he loves. His relationship with everybody else is strictly professional.

As great as Tiger is, there were a lot of people who hated him. Some hated him because of his race, others because he’s not friendly enough mostly he’s reviled because he’s so much better than everybody else. Those people are always going to find reasons to hate Tiger. That’s fine. It’s natural to create heroes and villains. Somebody has to be the bad guy and in every event Tiger plays he’s the favorite to win so there is never any shortage of underdogs. Tiger is the Darth Vader of the PGA . Fair enough, just don’t pretend that you started hating him after this story broke.

The majority of the people who liked Tiger will continue to like him. They’re pulling for him. If anything, the media frenzy around his private turmoil will probably rally more people around him. When he comes back the best golfer in the world will be an underdog. He’s been properly humiliated and people will cheer him on as he overcomes the consternation to win his first major since the fallout of his affairs.

Ultimately, Tiger Woods will be just fine. His marriage might fail and he could end up paying Canada’s GNP in child support for the next 17 years but he’s got plenty of money and the means to earn more. Other people will cheat on their wives and the tawdry tales of their elicit affairs might make headlines as well. People will remember that this is nothing new and they’ll remind themselves not to get personally invested in people they don’t know.

Super Bowl doesn't have Super Powers.

Every year during the Super Bowl fortnight a story emerges that makes me want to puke. I get angry to the point where I vow that I won’t watch the Super Bowl just because I’m tired of the hype. Among the greatest hits are The Kurt Warner Story, The Archie Manning Story, The Tom Brady Story and Those Crazy Chicago Bears. And let's not forget a cameo appearance by Brenda Warner's hideous fuzzy sweater and her trailer park mullet.

I was terrified that this year would force me to endure two weeks of a Brett Favre love fest. Sport reporters, who tend to be fat and old, love Brett Favre because he’s old. More than just being old, Favre looks it. He’s only 40 but his hair is gray and his stubble is almost white. After every game he looks like he got into a fight with a cotton candy machine. Favre’s toughness is well-documented and I wasn’t interested in hearing about it for two whole weeks. I’ve grown to dislike Favre a great deal. Besides being a big fat drama queen he is also a pretty lousy QB when the game is on the line. So no Brett Favre at the Super Bowl is a good thing.

Still, the media have done it again. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present: The Katrina Story.
In case you missed it, New Orleans was nailed by a hurricane back in 2005 and has been struggling mightily ever since. Moreover, the entire Gulf Coast has been struggling thanks to several storms that ravaged the area in 2005. Katrina gets the most attention because it scored a direct hit on The Big Easy. Even though FEMA would be quick to point out that they did more damage than that stupid fly by night storm. Sure, give credit to the shock and the awe, but who was there making sure aid and supplies didn't get to the people who needed it the most? FEMA. People don't dies from infection overnight, you know.

For some reason people seem to think that winning a Super Bowl is just what New Orleans needs to get back on its feet. To hear sports blabbermouths tell it, a win on Sunday will make everything better.

This is bullshit.

Winning the Super Bowl would be great for the Saints organization and would make Saints fans, who have never seen their team play in a Super Bowl, very happy. As a long suffering Browns fans who has reached a point where I’d just as soon see the Browns disbanded and everybody who works in the front office set on fire, I can appreciate this.

Beyond that a win would mean nothing. Even though the Saints have a lot of great fans, there are millions of people in the region that couldn’t care less. Literally. Thanks to decades of unadulterated suckiness by the Saints, New Orleans is home to a staggering number of Cowboys fans. Those people don’t care. They’re probably tired of hearing their friends and neighbors scream HOODAT every 3.65 seconds. The Gulf Coast is also home to people who grew up in other cities. So you’ve got a lot of people who are happy for the Saints but don’t really care who wins.

And all a Super Bowl win will do is make fans happy…for a little while. From what I’ve been able to gather that happiness doesn’t last nearly as long as you’d like it too. Steelers fans just watched their team snag a sixth Super Bowl ring last year and they’re already miserable because the Steelers didn’t make the playoffs. And that’s a great place to examine how much a Super Bowl really means. No city has more Super Bowl titles than Pittsburgh but does that make it a place you want to visit? Nope. How many Super Bowls has Pittsburgh hosted? That’d be zero. Are Steelers fans still ugly, unintelligent and more than a little malodorous? Sadly, yes. And the city still puts the Pit in the ‘burg, if you know what I’m saying. The reason you spell Pittsburgh with that “h” on the end is because most people say it with a resigned sigh at the end. So, Andy, where are you from? pittsburg-eh.

The only thing all those Super Bowl titles has given Pittsburgh is a false sense of accomplishment. Living in Ohio I can’t even tell you how many Pittsburgh fans love to brag about all those titles as if they had something to do with it. One guy I know will ask Bengals and Browns fans how many rings they have. Um, chief? The same number as you: none, remember? All you’ve ever done is wear another man’s jersey (like a cheerleader on game day) and wave a towel around like an idiot.

Am I jealous? Maybe a little. I really don’t know. None of the teams I root for have done anything while I’ve been around to see it so I don’t have any context. The only thing I do know for certain is that my life will remain unchanged. My happiness over my favorite team winning would subside the minute I realized that I’m still a loser with a boring job, a crappy car and ear hair like steel wool.

Even if the Browns did win a Super Bowl, once I got used to monkeys flying out of my butt, some idiot Steelers’ fan would go out of his way to point out that his team won six, even though he wasn’t around when they won four of them. Also he wouldn’t say his team won them, he would say “we” yet again implying that he played a role in this accomplishment. I’m sure the Rooney family will rush to correct their oversight in not including him in the parade.

New Orleans winning a Super Bowl would be a nice reward for the half dozen fans that used to sit through entire games wearing paper bags over their heads back in the 70s and 80s, but it’s not going to restore the 9th Ward to its pre-Katrina luster. Winning the Super Bowl would be a nice accomplishment for Drew Brees who was treated like some little dude with a freakish mole on his face by the San Diego Chargers (perhaps the most poorly run franchise with a winning record), but it’s not going to create any jobs in the region.

I’m tired of hearing about it. Regardless of what happens on Sunday, New Orleans will wake up on Monday morning and still have work to do. Nothing’s going to change. The Super Bowl isn’t that big.

Personally, I’m rooting for the Saints. Not because I think it would mean anything to New Orleans or because I think the fans deserve it. As a fan I can honestly admit that I don’t deserve a damned thing. I’m rooting for New Orelans because they’re the underdog. I’m rooting for them because I like Drew Brees and Darren Sharper. I’m rooting for the Saints because Will Smith and Malcolm Jenkins used to play for the Buckeyes. Even so, I’m not emotionally invested in this game. If the Colts win, I won’t mind. I think they’re a great team and I like watching them play. Peyton Manning is, without question, the greatest quarterback to ever play the game and he’s fun to watch.

That’s why, even though I’d like to see the Saints win, I don’t believe they will. The Saints will be overcome with emotion. Part of that will be due to the fact that everybody wants to make a big deal out of what this game means to New Orleans; part of that will be because the Saints are here for the first time. The Saints will also be overcome by an onslaught. Peyton Manning is great at exposing weaknesses in opposing defenses and New Orleans is full of holes.

The Saints play an aggressive brand of defense that requires a lot of pressure on the QB and a lot of gambles by the defensive backs…all of which are factors that play into Peyton Manning’s hand. He’ll read their coverages and use the opportunistic nature of the Saints’ secondary to his advantage. Drew Brees might keep it interesting for a while and the score will be high, but I see the Colts winning by 10 points.

And after everything is said and done the only thing that will be true about this Super Bowl is that it was only a game.

Legacy of a Gunslinger

I don’t want to pile on Brett Favre. He’s taken quite a bit of heat for the drama he created and he deserves that. He also deserves criticism for making yet another poor decision in a big game. People who defend him by saying that he’s always made plays with his arm need to stop. Sometimes you have to run. Great quarterbacks make great decisions. Not all the time, but when they count. Favre is the opposite.

But Favre was put in a tough spot by his coach who decided to try to confuse New Orleans by running too many people onto the field. Minnesota huddled up with 12 men and got nailed with a five yard penalty that pushed them out of field goal range. So it was “Chilly” who backed Favre into a corner and forced the issue for a big play.

It was also Adrian Peterson and his buttery fingers that kept the Saints in the game. No matter how great a team is, overcoming five turnovers is virtually impossible. Peterson contributed three of them.

And then you had the penalties, particularly in overtime. Vikings’ fans might cry foul over the nature of some of those calls but it was still a sloppy game on the part of the vaunted Vikings’ defense. The game shouldn’t have gone to overtime in the first place.

Still the Vikings had a chance to win it and in the end the game was in Favre’s hands. He rolled to his right, saw seven or eight yards he could have easily run and turned the game over to his kicker for an easy field goal. Instead, Favre threw across his body to a receiver who was clearly covered. Once again he made a poor decision and once again it cost his team a trip to the Super Bowl.

I don’t hate Favre for it. I don’t hate him for coming back. He loves to play and loves the spot light. He did the best he could. His effort has never been in question, but his decision making has. Favre decided to make a spectacle out of coming back. Don’t believe those who tell you the media did it, Favre carefully played the press to his advantage and milked it for all the attention it was worth. He wanted to play in Minnesota, partly because he knew the system and partly because he would steal the thunder from his old team, the one that decided it was time to move on. He desperately wanted the spotlight to shine on him and now, even though it’s revealed an aspect of his legacy that will, rightfully, always keep him off the very top of the list of all time greats, he has to live in its glare. At least for a while.

Favre belongs in the Hall of Fame. He consecutive games streak is almost reason enough, but then you have impressive numbers. He’s simply amassed mind-boggling statistics and, in spite of losing some big games, he’s been a winner. It’s hard to give one player credit for Super Bowl wins. I don’t like using that as a barometer of greatness. Super Bowls are team achievements. Failing to acknowledge that means that Trent Dilfer is as good as Peyton Manning because they have an equal number of Super Bowl rings; or arguing that Ben Roethlisberger is better than both because he has two. Then you’d have to downgrade Dan Marino to the bottom of the list because he didn’t win any. That’s just stupid.

Favre’s career has been impressive. He’s been fun to watch and when you factor in all of his toughness you have to rank him among some of the greatest football players of all time. But when you compare him to other quarterbacks you have to think about more than raw numbers. How did he do under pressure?

Four NFC Championship games have been decided in overtime. Brett Favre played in two of those games and lost both. It's not all his fault, but he had the ball in his hands with an opportunity to win both games and came up empty. That’s tough to overlook.

Vick's back?

Michael Vick is not Adolph Hitler. I think that most people understand this, but nevertheless there are those who insist that he got off light and does not deserve to return to the NFL.

Whether or not he deserves to return to the NFL will be determined by several things, one is his playing ability. Vick has been out of football for two years. He hasn’t had access to the same athletic training and nutrition he had when he was chucking footballs for the Falcons. Vick’s going to have to earn a spot on a team if he wants to make a living as a football player.

He also has to find a team. That’s not going to be easy. Vick wasn’t exactly a great quarterback when he left. He was a remarkable athlete who resented the very appropriate criticism people in the know expressed regarding his abilities. His athleticism was never questioned but a lot of people wondered if he was a liability as a signal caller. Rather than honing his skills to dispel doubts, Vick pouted. The Falcons enjoyed some success without Vick which has a lot of people think that Vick might have been overrated. That’s a touch call because a lot has changed in Atlanta besides Vick’s departure. Still, Vick wasn’t exactly a joy to coach.

In addition to the dog fighting ring Vick was involved in, he also had some issues regarding substance abuse. A big part of the reason Vick didn’t get any leniency when he was sentenced is because he tested positive for marijuana while he was out on bond. He also had the airport security problem when his stash bottle was confiscated. Initial reports that the secret compartment smelled like pot were denied but the whole ordeal seemed like a cover up. A few hundred grand donated to the FOP can make minor charges go way. Especially when you’re dealing with residue and not the real deal

So Vick has baggage and teams aren’t going to want to check it. Did a year and a half of time behind bars help Vick put things in perspective? Did he check his massive ego? Is he willing to shut up and listen to his coaches? The NFL reinstated him but Vick is going to have to pass a lot of scrutiny if he wants to play. Teams are going to poke and prod him, looking for any sign of a public relations disaster. And if he does land a contract, a very modest contract by his standards, he will be on the shortest of leashes. One tantrum, public or private, and Vick will be cut.

It would probably be better for him to play in Canada. The CFL is the sort of league that makes guys like Vick look really good. He could win a Grey Cup or two and maybe set a few records. More importantly Vick would get more money. The CFL isn’t under the same microscope that the NFL is. Canadian fans aren’t going to be as passionate about Vick’s past. They’ll give him a second chance and a little more room to breathe.

Most fans in the US aren’t going to forgive him. For one thing, he’s black. Our society has a much harder time cutting black guys slack. Roger Clemen’s is a big a jerk as Barry Bonds and cheated just as much but baseball fans are more supportive of Roger. I’m not saying that they should give Barry a pass, the man is a jerk and should be reviled by all. The thing I’m saying is the Roger Clemens should be held in the same esteem.

Vick’s cut from the same cloth as both of those guys. He’s a gifted athlete who was spoiled because of his physical prowess. He grew up in the projects but Vick got breaks other kids didn’t because he could win games. He was never held accountable. Neither was his brother, Marcus, who eventually got in so much trouble Virginia Tech finally had to draw the line and cut him.

The NFL should probably draft a policy forbidding convicted felons from playing. I’m all for people getting second chances after they’ve paid their proverbial debts to society but the NFL is in the business of public relations. They don’t have to give second chances. Society at large does, but the NFL is different and should do a better job of insulating itself from troublemakers.

Vick also didn’t get off easy. They pretty much threw the book at him, but because our criminal justice system doesn’t see animal cruelty as that big a deal, the sentence seemed a little light. I’m not going to blame Vick for that. If we want tougher sentences for animal cruelty we need to write tougher laws. Vick’s just a guy who broke the law. He was punished in accordance with it. I think he deserves a chance to move on.

Because the NFL doesn’t have a no felony policy, they have no reason not to reinstate him. Some through Roger Goodell would harbor a grudge because Vick lied to him when the dog fighting allegations first hit the press, but who does Goodell think he is? He’s not Vick’s attorney or his priest. If Vick had been honest with Goodell Goodell could have been compelled to testify against him at trial. Goodell was an idiot for even asking Vick about the pending criminal investigation. He’s equally stupid for meeting with Ben Roethlisberger after the Steelers’ QB was accused of sexual assault via a civil action. Ben can’t answer Goodell’s questions honestly.

So Goodell did the right thing and reinstated Vick. He’s not guaranteeing Vick a $10 million contract or making him the poster boy for the leagues community outreach. Goodell is simply putting Vick’s future into the hands of Michael Vick and any team willing to sign him. He really didn’t have any other choice.

Missed it by that much

A lot of people are calling Tom Watson’s showing at The Open Championship this past weekend one of the great moments in sports.

Bullshit.

If Tom Watson had won it might have been one of the great moments in golf, but even then I doubt it. Tiger Woods, still struggling to find his stroke after reconstructive surgery on his knee, didn’t make the cut and Phil Mickelson skipped the event to be with his wife. Neither of them are exactly suited for the course at Turnberry, which penalizes the more powerful golfers on the tour, but you have to figure that it’s a lot easier for a the rest of the field to relax when Tiger’s not poised to make a late charge up the leader board.

At the age of 59, Watson would have been the oldest major champion in the history of golf, a mark that would likely stand the test of time but, given the circumstances, only as a trivia question. Ultimately, Watson put such a discussion to bed by failing to make a clinching put and ultimately fading in a playoff.

The fact that he essentially choked robs Stewart Cink of the adulation some think he deserves for winning the event. The story of the day is Watson’s run. Cink just managed to be in the right place at the right time. Some sports writers are trying to bring the focus back on Cink but because of the bar Tiger Woods has set, if you don’t win multiple majors most people think you’re a fluke. Cink’s career seems to support that notion. He’s a solid tour veteran with six career wins in 352 events played. He’s a respectable money earner but not a winner. So until he backs up his first major with, at the very least, a couple of top five finishes in the next four he plays this was just a lucky break. Besides, the fact remains that Tom Watson was eight feet away from closing the deal. Cink doesn’t deserve that much credit. If he had put up a low number that Watson couldn’t chase then we’d have a feather to stick in his cap.

The great story everybody was following this weekend went unfinished. The carriage turned into a pumpkin and Tom Watson’s beautiful gown morphed back into rags, seconds before he caught the eye of the handsome prince. Golf is a sport of winners and Tom Watson simply didn’t win. He played a couple of nice rounds of golf but he wasn’t at his best when it mattered most. Second place isn’t good enough. Not when you’re trying to frame this as one of the greatest moments in sports history.

As far as history is concerned, Watson’s finish is only better than Tiger’s from an academic standpoint. He posted a better score and took home more money but that’s about it. People who think that we’ll be talking about this moment years from now are nuts. At next year’s Open it will be a big deal and whenever some geezer stumbles into contention Watson’s name might surface. Other than that it will become part of Turnberry’s history. The vast majority of golf fans have already moved on and the vast majority of sports fans, many of whom couldn’t care less about golf, lost interest when Tiger Woods went home. Tom Watson was just a blurb on ESPN to them.

No offense to Tom, it’s nice to see him take one of those big checks that didn’t exist in his heyday. He got a little taste of the Tiger era and I’m sure he enjoyed it but his place in history hasn’t changed and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Unless you’re the 18-0 New England Patriots, second place is always second tier.

Phat Albert is juicing!

You’ve heard it here first: Albert Pujols is on steroids.

I have no facts to support that claim and I’m not going to even try to prove that statement. It’s a pessimistic theory based on my belief that most professional athletes are willing to go to great lengths in order to be successful.

I realize that not everybody with muscles is on steroids. I realize that there are people out there who are just freaks of nature. I also believe that a freak of nature can take steroids and/or human growth hormone to enhance their abilities to even freakier levels, like 32 home runs at the all star break for instance.

People will get angry with me for making such a statement. They might even question my journalistic integrity, but I’m a guy writing a blog right now, not a journalist. I am an officer of the court of public opinion. It’s my duty to rush to judgment.

Major League Baseball is proud of its drug program and fans actually believe that the game has been cleaned up. They’re buying A-Rod’s story that he dabbled in steroids because he was young and stupid and give him the benefit of the doubt today. I think A-Rod’s still taking them. He makes enough money to get his hands on the really good stuff--the undetectable drugs that BALCO used to crank out before they got greedy and left their fingerprints behind for the FBI. Marion Jones never tested positive for steroids even though she admitted to taking them. She passed the International Olympic Committee's tests. Tests that make Major League Baseball’s drug program look like a Facebook quiz.

And that’s the real reason I think Pujols is on the juice. Major League Baseball wants him on it. They want all their players on it because homeruns sell tickets. Triple crown winners sell tickets. Without steroids, baseball would look a lot like it did 25 years ago. A couple of beefy sluggers surrounded by skinny guys from Latin America.

Maintaining 240 pounds of solid muscle isn’t hard to do if that’s all you have to do, but combine that responsibility with the rigors of playing 162 games and it’s virtually impossible. When do these guys have time to recover? If they’re taking steroids they don’t need to.

Even though I watched Manny Ramirez get bigger each year, he was the last person I figured would be a juicer. It’s not that he demonstrated a great deal of integrity, but he’s just such a flake I never would have pegged him for taking an interest. It turns out I was wrong.

It didn’t shock me, because as stupid as Manny seems to be the guy does love his cash and in the sports world steroids can mean an extra $10 million in guaranteed money. If Manny connected the dots, he’d take steroids and if Manny can see the logic in taking them so can Albert.

I’d love for him to prove me wrong, but unless he enters the Tour de France and passes their battery of drug tests I don’t know how he can. Barry Bonds insisted that he never took steroids and dared people to prove it, then they’d offer to test his urine and he’d be too busy, or he'd object to the spirit of the test. His name was linked to the BALCO investigation that sent Marion Jones to prison by way of perjury and if Victor Conti ever gets tired of stewing behind bars Bonds could do a few years as well. So it’s not hard to believe that Albert’s sitting on a dirty little secret too.

I’ll admit that I’m taking an easy position. If Albert tests positive for steroids in the next few years I’ll be able to point to this and people can pat me on the back for having the balls to stand up and claim something stank. If he never tests positive I can act like he got lucky, or blame the wide world of sports for fueling my righteous skepticism. I can’t lose.

So what’s the point? The point is I don’t want to be this way. I’d like to see all the major sports take a hard stance against steroids. In cycling athletes are suspended if they are simply associated with cheating. They don’t have to test positive. If Lance Armstrong’s dentist is dealing HGH on the side Lance gets banned. During the Tour de France, and a number of other events, cyclists are being tested every couple of days. In the Olympics test are conducted before, during and after the games. Doping is taken very seriously and violators aren’t suspended for a few weeks or even a few months; it’s years. There’s no warning. Test positive one time and you sit out for two years, test positive again and you’re done.

In the NFL players get slapped with a four game suspension if they test positive for steroids. There are 280 pound defensive ends running the 40 yard dash in 4.6 seconds but the NFL feels its testing policy is adequate. They feel that a 4 game suspension is enough to discourage steroid use. Really? How discouraging is it when a guy can test positive for steroids and sign a contract extension six weeks later?

Baseball’s 50 game suspension sounds pretty stiff but it’s not much more severe than the NFL’s. Manny missed about a third of the season but he got to sharpen his skills at the minor league level during that period. Now he’s back, the Dodgers are favored to win the NL West and Manny’s probably going to bat cleanup in the postseason. At his age, the 50 games off are probably beneficial. Oh, and Manny will still make more money this year than most people will earn in three lifetimes.

The way it’s structured, athletes are stupid not to take steroids. The testing procedures are laughable and the penalties for people stupid enough to get caught are minor. With the kind of money being throw around, why not?

So, yeah, I think Albert Pujols is on steroids. Prove me wrong.

Touch 'em all time

Say No to Shaq…

Rumors abound that Danny Ferry is working the phones in order to hammer out a deal to bring Shaq to Cleveland. After watching the Cavaliers struggle against Orlando, a team that was soundly spanked by the Lakers in the Finals, Ferry knows that there are still pieces missing from the championship puzzle.

Shaq, however, isn’t going to fit. Not anymore. Shaq is a 37 year-old child who can no longer deliver big minutes and if the East is going to run through Dwight Howard and the Orlando Magic you need a big man who can work his butt off for 40 minutes a night. That’s not Shaq. He is no longer the most dominant force in the league. And he wants a contract extension. 20 millions bucks for one season is bad enough, but 3? Not on your life.

The Lakers have a lot of tall guys but nobody would describe them as “big.” Most often you hear the term “long” applied to them. Lamar Odom and Pau Gasol are lanky guys with a lot of athleticism. They’re considered to be finesse players but they are physical enough to keep things honest in the paint. Cleveland’s “big” men aren’t agile enough to be labeled as “finesse” players but neither Zydrunas Ilgauskas nor Anderson Varejao has the marbles to get nasty down low. Anderson will flail around in hopes of drawing a foul, but that tactic backfires in big games. While he’s laying on the floor begging for the call, his opponent is throwing down a nasty two-handed jam. Z doesn’t even try to front people. He’s too slow, too weak and too cowardly to own the paint. When Z encounters physical contact he retreats.

A stronger presence in the paint would help the Cavaliers immensely but what killed them against Orlando was perimeter defense. They simply let Orlando get too many open looks at the basket. Even when the defenders got out in time, they were too short to get hands in the faces of shooters. Shaq isn’t going to change that. Moving LeBron around when he doesn’t have the ball might have gotten the Cavs past Orlando. Shaq and his slow motion attack will not.

The News that Isn’t….


People suspected Sammy Sosa of taking steroids all along. Like Mark McGwire, Sosa grew from a muscular baseball player in the early 1990s into a cartoonish representation of a comic book superhero.

The burning question is how it will affect his hall of fame credentials. He’ll get a number of votes when he’s eligible, outnumbering McGwire because Sosa didn’t pull the same disappearing act Big Mac did when the scandal broke, but Sosa did sit in front of congress and pretend he didn’t speaka de Ingles. He was overshadowed by Andro man saying that he didn’t want to talk about the past and Raphael Palmeiro’s umbrage over being called out by a liar like Jose Canseco, but Sosa never did come clean.

Most of the writers who vote “no” on him will justify it the same way the justified voting no on McGwire. Aside from raw power, his numbers just aren’t that impressive. Although Sosa was a better all around player than McGwire. Sosa stole bases and was a solid defensive player in addition to being a beast at the plate. Like Mac, Sosa struck out a lot but power hitters often miss.

No matter what anybody says, steroids will keep him out because power is the one thing people draw a straight line to when steroids are the issue. Roger Clemens might manage to get in because people have a harder time believing that steroids provide that much of an advantage to pitchers.

Sports writers won’t give that as a reason. They’ll claim that they aren’t experts on steroids and physiology but the reality is that nobody is in a better position to become an expert on the subject than a person who gets paid to report on these issues.

And there’s who you get to blame for the steroid problem. Sports writers. These guys were in the locker rooms. They had access to all of this for the 25 years the steroid era unfolded. They ignored it. They put their heads in the sand and refused to ask questions. It wasn’t until a slightly more inquisitive reporter spotted a bottle of a substance banned by the NFL and the International Olympic Committee in McGwire’s locker that the whole issue of steroids in baseball started to shake loose. Do you really think he was the first guy to see that stuff?

Like Sands in the Hour Glass….

Brett Favre wanted out of Green Bay so he could play for his buddy Brad Childress in Minnesota. He just lacked the guts and the integrity to say it out loud. Favre needs people to love him and he knew that turning his back on loyal fans in Green Bay would result in a lot of people not loving him.

So he worked the system. He retired and unretired. He pouted. He whined. He called press conferences where he pouted and whined. He publically discussed private conversations with “friends” in order to validate himself in the eyes of football fans.

His most recent exploits were cleverly orchestrated. To Favre’s most loyal fans it looks like the media simply hounded him but to those who have seen how egomaniacal celebrities manipulate the media, it’s obvious that Favre kept the spotlight on himself.

The Vikings deserve him and his massive ego. They also deserve the three interception he’ll throw in the second half of the divisional playoff game that they will lose to Arizona in January. They deserve the disarray that Favre will leave them in after he quits again. Favre eventually will get into the Pro Football Hall of Fame and he deserves that. He also deserves to be remembered as a guy who spent the last 8 or 9 years of his career selfishly padding his stats so he would get in.


Not that you care….

Can’t leave out the NHL when you give the other sports space, right? Well here’s two things:

1. The whole Sydney Crosby handshake drama is stupid. He’s a young punk who won his first Championship against a heavily favored opponent on their home ice. He was excited. He celebrated for a while. Maybe he wanted to rub it in the noses of those insufferably arrogant Red Wings fans. So what? He did eventually line up to shake hands. If that wasn’t quick enough for some of the Red Wings who were sore about handing the Stanley Cup to the Penguins too frickin’ bad. You don’t have to wait for Crosby to stop patting himself on the back but also don’t go to the media and whine about being snubbed. Be a man, take your medicine and get even next year. The Red Wings should wear pink next year.

2. The Columbus Blue Jackets don’t like their lease arrangement and they’ve mentioned that they might have to move if they don’t get a better deal. The company that owns the Nationwide Arena (and also has an incestuous relationship with the ownership of the team) is willing to sell the arena to Franklin County which would allow the county to negotiate more favorable terms. Smart people know that this is a scam. Voters didn’t want to foot the bill for Nationwide Arena when it was built and they don’t want to buy it now. Interestingly, this gambit comes on the heels of the Jackets’ first foray into the post season. They most have been hoping that the 2000 fans they won over this year would be concerned.


Joe-LEEEEN! Come git me the clicker!

For those of you wondering why I didn’t mention NASCAR. It’s still boring, it’s still not a sport and I still think NASCAR fans are creepy inbred freaks who should be kept in specialized holding pens. Or we could just seal the doors at WalMart the next time they have one of those big holiday sales.

Slumping Tiger

Tiger Woods stormed through the final round at The Memorial in Columbus, Ohio posting a seven under 65 and watching anybody who had a chance to beat him choke. He played brilliantly finishing with two birdies on two of the more difficult holes on the course. A course that plays more like a major than one of the fun events leading up to one. Some people take that as a sign that Tiger has emerged from a post-injury slump, others think that Tiger just got himself into the zone.

It’s interesting how people are responding to Tiger’s struggles. He’s the top-ranked golfer in the world in spite of missing two majors and the FedEx cup playoffs after limping his way to a win at the US Open last summer in Torrey Pines. He underwent reconstructive surgery on his knee and started hitting the links a few weeks before the Masters where he struggled to a sixth place finish.

In seven starts Woods has two wins and six top 10 finishes. He’s also fourth in the FedEx cup standings. Still people are looking to the US Open to see if Tiger’s back. If he wins people will say that he is fully recovered and credit him for shaking off the rust. If he loses they’ll shake their heads and wonder if he’ll get back into form this year. There are even those who think that he’s done. His body has broken down and Tiger is destined for a life of mediocrity on bad knees.

What’s funny is the fact that Tiger’s slump would be a career year for 80% of the golfers on tour. Jim Furyk has played in 12 events, won none and posted 6 top 10 finishes. He is 13th in the FedEx cup standings. Furyk didn’t win an event last year and since 2005 he has only posted 4 wins. Tiger won 4 last year alone, in just six events. Phil Mickelson is the second ranked player in the world and has two wins in 10 events this year. He’s sixth in the FedEx standings and has posted five top 10 finishes. Good, but Phil’s not on the mend. He doesn’t have an upside.

The point is that this slump Tiger is in would be a welcome streak of good fortune for even some of the most respected names in golf. Tiger’s not even a year removed from his surgery and most experts agree that it takes at least a year to fully recover. Even though his knee is stable enough to handle tournament play, it’s still going to be a few months before Tiger’s knee is restored to its full strength and range of motion.

It’s amazing how spoiled we are. The standard to which we hold Tiger Woods is by far and away much higher than the standard we hold the rest of the gold world to. After his second place finish to Tiger at The Memorial, Furyk was informed that he was the “low mortal” that day. It was a sentiment that Furyk didn’t take issue with.

But Tiger’s not a god. It’s easy to think that he is. It’s easy to shrug your shoulders and give him his due for having so much talent but talent isn’t what separates Tiger from the field. Tiger’s not better because his dad stuck a club in his hands when he was three. A lot of guys on tour have been golfing since they could walk. Phil Mickelson swings left-handed because when he was a country club brat who used to mirror his dad’s swing. He was a prodigy too, we don’t hear as much about it because Phil’s not as good. Phil didn’t storm into the PGA by blowing away the field at the Masters. Phil hasn’t won 14 majors. Nobody, except for Jack Nicklaus and Tiger Woods has done that. Only three golfers have posted double digit wins in majors and Tiger’s the only one still active. No other active player is close.

The difference is how Tiger handled his win last weekend. He had his coach there to critique his performance and instead of staying up all night celebrating his triumph, Tiger hopped an early flight to Long Island and had Haney coach him up for the US Open. The guy just outworks everybody. His personal trainer (how many other PGA golfers have one?) believes that Tiger’s fitness level is on par with the best athletes in the world.

He’s probably flattered that people are concerned about his game. He clearly sets the bar pretty high for himself so it’s logical to assume that he doesn’t mind when others hold him to his own standards, but why let the rest of the PGA off the hook? Why pat Jim Furyk on the back when he bogies away a chance to beat Tiger at The Memorial and tell him it was a good effort? Jim’s a big boy. He’s a professional golfer. Dammit, Jim, beat that guy or hang it up 0 wins in two years in unacceptable. The same goes for Phil, Vijay, Garcia, Els and anybody else who wants to make a living on the PGA Tour. If you aren’t willing to do what it takes to give Tiger a run for his money, stop wasting everybody’s time.

When Tiger confirmed he was a go for The Memorial, the phones rang off the hook. People in Columbus support their local PGA event but when Tiger shows up, as is the case with any event, everybody wants to go. It’s not because he’s prettier than other golfers, nor is it because of his sunny disposition. People watch Tiger because they know he’s the best. 30 years from now people will still talk about him.

When Tiger finally does retire, the PGA is in big trouble. Tournament purses have increased over the past 10 years thanks in large part to Tiger Woods. His popularity has inspired greater interest in the game and that has triggered more revenue. If other golfers don’t start attacking the game with the same tenacity people will quickly lose interest.

And maybe that’s the problem. Top 10 finishes pay too damned much. Golfers are too content to settle for second best because there’s often a five or six figure check attached to it. Plus you have the sympathy factor: there’s no shame in being beaten by Tiger, he’s just too good. Other athletes don’t accept those condolences. Dwight Howard isn’t going to take solace in the fact that the Lakers are a more talented team. When the Magic eventually lose he is going to fume over a blown opportunity all summer long.

For most professional athletes second place is worse than finishing dead last. If you finish last you can’t be haunted by one or two mistakes. All you can do is go back to the drawing board and get better. When you come in second you lay awake in bed replaying those free throws you missed that would have put you up by 5, or the pass you dropped for a first down, or that hanging curveball you could have blooped into right field for the go-ahead RBI. For some reason, professional golfers don’t seem to view second place as the turd sandwich everybody else in the sports world sees it as.

The rest of the PGA missed a golden opportunity when Tiger was hobbled. Somebody could have emerged from the pack to take ownership of the Tour. Instead of wondering if Tiger’s going to emerge from his slump we should probably be asking why he’s still the best golfer in the world. How can a guy just seven events into coming back from major knee surgery be leading the pack rather than chasing after it? People shouldn’t be concerned about Tiger, it’s the rest of the PGA that’s hurting.

Next Year

As a life long Cleveland Sports fan I don’t even have to say it. Wait until next year is embedded in my DNA. In spite of the fact that the Cavaliers dominated the NBA this year, deep down inside I knew that they weren’t going to win it all. It’s simply impossible.

Cleveland’s last major sports championship was delivered in 1964 by the Browns. That was a full six years before I was born and since it was also before NFL and AFL merged, it doesn’t count.

The Indians managed to get to the World Series twice in 1995 and again in 1997. They gave the Atlanta Braves a long awaited title by going cold in ‘95 and just gave away the series to the Marlin’s in ’97. I knew it would happen. It was exciting to get to that level but I knew the Indians were going to lose. As a Clevelander I can’t conceive of anything else. The Drive; The Fumble; The Shot; The stupid trade that sent Ron Harper and two first round picks to the Clippers for Danny Ferry and a bag of stale peanuts people called Reggie Williams…if I ever want to back a winner I’m going to have to pick another team.

I’ve had people try to console me with Ohio State but that’s no good. It’s not that same. College Football doesn’t even have a true National Championship and I’m not that big a fan of college sports anyway. There’s too much corruption and it’s hard for me to look the other way. I prefer my greed upfront where I can see it. Besides, Jim Tressel creeps me out. I also hate Buckeye fans. Living in Columbus will do that. OH indeed.

In spite of the setback against Orlando, a series I had hoped wouldn’t happen, the Cavaliers still represent the best hope for a title. The Cleveland Browns had hired an idiot for a head coach and will likely be rebuilding again in three years. The Indians also have an idiot running the show and Major League Baseball shamelessly stacks the deck in favor of large market teams. So the Indians, like most baseball teams, are essentially a farm team that gets a bite at the apple if they manage to get prospects to produce before they get lured away with big contracts. Meanwhile Boston, New York and LA just keep spending that money. I don’t even like baseball anymore. Even if the Indians were doing well I don’t think I’d care because I can’t allow myself to identify with the players.

The Cavaliers will retain LeBron James. In spite of the fact that there is still a paucity of talent on the team, Danny Ferry has done a great job in finding help and Cleveland will have some money to spend. Rumors are circulating that Ben Wallace is set to retire, freeing up more than $14 million under the cap. Wally Szczerbiak is a free agent this year which means his $14 million will be available as well.

The concern in free agency for the Cavs is Anderson Varejao, who begrudgingly signed his contract after holding out a season ago. He can opt out if he likes and it wouldn’t be surprising to see him test the waters, but Danny Ferry doesn’t want to overpay. Anderson brings a lot of energy to the table but he doesn’t provide much in the way of consistency and he needs to hit the gym to become a more physical presence in the post. Cleveland really needed to knock Dwight Howard around in that series but they didn't have anybody who could.

LeBron James isn’t stupid. He knows that the New York Knicks won’t offer any more of a title shot than the Cavs do. Even if he does go to New York and grabs a couple of rings, it won’t be the same. He’ll be a mercenary who let somebody buy him title, rather than earning his legacy the way Jordan did. Moreover, New Yorkers won’t hold him in the same esteem that Cleveland fans will. In New York LeBron would be one of many vaunted sports heroes. His popularity would fade with his skills. In Cleveland LeBron would be adored long after his playing days are behind him. Under the NBA’s salary cap, no other team can offer him more money and because of the global marketplace, New York and LA aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.

So what does that mean? It means that Danny Ferry needs to get busy. Encourage Ben Wallace to call it a career and let Varejao shop around. Go out and see if you can pry Big Baby away from Boston, and find out if Lamar Odom is tried of catering to Kobe’s ego in LA. Ron Artest seems to have matured over the past several years and his defensive skills would fit nicely in Mike Brown’s scheme.

It might not be a bad idea to shop some players around. Delonte West should be commended for his effort, and Mo Williams was money from the perimeter until the Orlando series but do the Cavs really need two starting point guards? Especially when the offense runs through James? The Cavaliers were killed by Orlando’s height. In order for Williams and West to get a hand in the faces of Orlando’s shooters they had to leave their feet which is a fundamental mistake.

Before Cleveland starts addressing needs they must answer one question: what is LeBron James. The biggest problem Cleveland had against Orlando was that it couldn’t decide whether LeBron James is a forward or a point guard. On paper they seem to think of him as a forward but as the game goes on he plays the point. And he should. He’s the best passer on the team. When he has the ball in his hands he forces defenses to respond to him and that creates opportunities. Magic Johnson was 6’9” and played the point, why not LeBron?

The Cavs didn’t struggle offensively against Orlando, what killed them was defense. That’s because Mo Williams and Delonte West were giving up nearly a foot to Orlando’s lanky shooters. Off the bench the Cavs often brought in Daniel Gibson who is also diminutive by NBA standards. The Cavs just couldn’t stop Orlando and the Magic aren’t going anywhere. Cleveland and Orlando are going to rule the east for years to come and right now Orlando just has Cleveland’s number. Danny Ferry needs to build this team to beat them.

The Cavs need a true big man. They need a tall guard and some depth on the bench. It’s not rocket science, but Danny Ferry and Mike Brown need to figure out how they want to deploy LeBron. If you’re going to run the offense through him, cut a point guard loose and get a true small forward. If you want LeBron to settle in as a 3, get him a real shooting guard who can match up on bigger guards. Until they decide on LeBron’s role, it’s going to be hard to find the right pieces and harder still to claim that title.

Manny being Manny

I heard Buster Olney on the radio this morning talking about Manny Ramirez. Buster was whining about the fact that players like Manny Ramirez are essentially ruining baseball. He claimed that Manny was hurting other players by casting all of baseball under the steroid shadow. He cited an unnamed general manager who allegedly voiced concern that Manny, by signing a fat contract, was being rewarded for cheating.

I don’t disagree with Buster or his mysterious GM confidant, but Manny didn’t victimize Joe Torre or the Dodgers’ organization. Both parties entered that deal with eyes wide open. Just because the Dodgers didn’t want to ask why Manny was still such a beast at the plate even though he’ll be 37 in this month doesn’t mean Manny tricked them. Just because Joe Torre says he doesn’t want to believe that steroids are the norm doesn’t mean he actually believes it.

If the Dodgers, or any team, really cared about steroids they’d include anti-steroid clauses in the contracts, but nobody does that. If Major League baseball really cared about steroids they’d implement the same testing policies and procedures used by the International Olympic Committee.

The reality of the issue is that steroids are good for baseball. Getting caught is bad, but as long as players can stay ahead of the tests and beat the system, everybody’s happy. The proof is in the salary structure. Manny Ramirez got caught cheating. He trotted out that sorry “medical condition” excuse, but didn’t see fit to appeal his case to Major League Baseball.

Now it’s possible that Manny really was receiving treatment for a “personal” medical condition that he doesn’t want to talk about. Maybe he wants to get pregnant. But it’s interesting that about five minutes after the announcement was made, investigators identified the drug he tested positive for and experts immediately connected it to steroid use. It turns out that the practice of using female fertility drugs to stimulate testosterone production after a steroid cycle is pretty old school.

According to reports, Manny tested positive for elevated testosterone, which prompted further investigation. That yielded paperwork that connected Manny to hCG, which is similar to a designer drug that was at the middle of the BALCO investigation. This drug is used often enough for performance enhancing purposes that it is listed as a banned substance. Ergo, Manny is a cheater.

What people need to grow up and realize is that Manny is not the exception, he is the rule. There’s too much money being thrown around for these guys not to cheat, especially when the testing procedures are wanting and the penalties aren’t stiff enough. The IOC issues two year suspensions for doping and people still try to beat the system. The Tour de France is also strict but that doesn’t stop dozens of the world’s best bicyclists from taking their chances.

And we haven’t even talked about football. College and professional football players defy logic but for some reason we don’t connect them to steroids unless they fail the NFL’s testing procedure. Former players have called the test a joke, but because they admitted to cheating they are deemed unreliable and their claims are dismissed, but consider this: wide receivers and defensive backs are among the greatest athletes in the world, yet none of them ever compete in international track and field events. Why is that?

Perhaps the NFL doesn’t want players to miss summer workouts, but you’d think that letting a star receiver skip the preseason to represent his country at the Summer Games would reflect positively on the league. Surely none of the franchises would object to allowing a player to take some time off to pursue a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Still, we haven’t seen a prominent NFL player participate in an Olympic event since Willie Gault joined the US bobsled team more than 20 years ago. Maybe that’s just a coincidence.

Maybe Manny’s telling the truth. Maybe A-Rod is too and Barry Bonds never tested positive for steroids, did he? Perhaps we should take them all at their word. Never mind the bulging biceps and 30 pounds of solid muscle that magically appeared in an offseason. Forget about the fact that a 36 year-old veteran is playing with the vim and vigor of a 20 year-old rookie. Ignore the logic that says people shouldn’t be coming back from surgery in four or five weeks.

Just don’t complain when the next superstar tests positive.

Queen Favre

I wouldn’t care about Bret Favre and his latest drama queen moment if it was not painfully obvious that he just wants to spite the Green Bay Packers. Even if he ultimately decides to stay retired, there’s far too much attention being paid to this saga. I’m convinced the Favre, through his minions, has orchestrated this.

It would have been entirely possible for all of this, the discussions with Vikings officials, to go on under the radar. Even after Favre asked for and was granted his release from New York, keeping his intentions secret would be easy.

Most celebrities, be they high-profile professional athletes or high-profile actors, have fragile egos. They get used to being the center of attention and when they perceive that they are being marginalized they do things to draw attention to themselves. Pop princesses might be inclined to shave their heads and go clubbing without panties, aging actors might cheat on their wives with girls half their age and athletes often stage press conferences. Santonio Holmes decided to reveal his drug-dealing childhood when the Super Bowl media focused on Big Ben and Kurt Warner, now Bret Favre is waffling on his retirement.

I wrote about Favre’s drama last year. I felt then that he was out of line and I believe that. He’s got every right to be unretired. He’s got every right to play where he wants but there’s a right way and a wrong way to do it. Last year he put the Packers in a tough spot and they opted move on. They just didn’t feel that Bret Favre was the right fit at the time. As great as Favre has been, teams are built around continuity. You have to know who your quarterback is year in and year out if you want to be successful. With Favre Green Bay was getting a question mark.

Favre was upset because the Packers didn’t roll out the red carpet and sound the horns when he announced his desire to return. He demanded his release but the Packers still had rights to him and figured they’d broker is itch to come back for a little bit of value. If anything they could keep Favre from signing with a divisional rival and stirring up bad blood within the organization.

Favre wanted to play for the Vikings. He thinks he’s pals with Brad Childress and the Vikings need a quarterback. Some people believe that the Vikings are a good QB away from a serious playoff run. Others aren’t so optimistic. It’s also pretty obvious that Favre is no longer a good quarterback. He’s slightly above average on his better days but he still has a tendency to self-destruct when it matters most. He did that last year, throwing interceptions as the Jets squandered their opportunity to get to the playoffs.

Favre’s apologists will say that Favre wasn’t the only reason the Jets fell apart and even if he was the main reason, he was injured. Bull shit. If Favre was injured to the degree that his performance was a detriment to the team he should have stepped aside. A true professional needs to know when they’re doing more harm than good, but Favre’s more caught up in his consecutive games played streak than his fans are. Favre’s ego won’t let him take a seat when common sense tells him to.

In addition the way he finished the season, Favre also alienated his teammates by behaving like some sort of prima donna. Several Jets’ players came forward and said good riddance to Bret when he decided to call it a career (again). They talked about how he didn’t participate in meetings, drills or other organized team functions. Favre had his own little room, a fortress of solitude if you will, where he hid from essential contact.

Perhaps that’s because Favre really didn’t want to play in New York. What he really wanted was another bite at getting to the Super Bowl and after his interception in overtime cost the Packers that opportunity two years ago he figured his best shot was with them. But he waited too long and the team decided it was best to move on.

His goal at that point was not to win a Super Bowl, but to stick it to his former team. How dare they? He’s Bret Favre, master of the universe. He’d show them. He’d sign with the Vikings so he could remain close enough to Green Bay to listen to the fans call into the sports talk shows and rip the Packers for letting their icon slip away. He thinks that the fans will be on his side because he thinks he’s bigger than the Packers. He wants to go to Minnesota to prove it to everyone.

Bret Favre is a selfish jerk who doesn’t even know how to pronounce his own name. He’s always been that way, but it was easier to overlook when he was younger because he overcame his personality flaws with raw athletic talent. His ego was bruised and now he wants to settle the score, so he’s engaging in very public talks with his former team’s biggest rival. He wants to see them squirm. He’s like that girl you dated in high school who went to the prom with your best friend after you dumped her.

If Brad Childress is willing to kiss Favre’s ass in the right places and make him feel appreciated, Favre will come back for another season. He will gleefully don a Vikings uniform and walk onto the frozen tundra of Lambeau field, expecting a warm welcome from all those fans who adored him all those years. Showing up Green Bay’s front office means more to Favre than winning a Super Bowl, but Packers’ fans aren’t that gullible. By now even they can see Favre for what he is and they’ve got to be glad that he’s no longer holding their team hostage with his childish behavior.

Childress is an idiot if he signs Favre, just like your best friend is the idiot for agreeing to take your ex to the prom. Favre’s not interested in the Vikings or their fans. His eyes are always going to be on Green Bay to see if they’re noticing him. Favre will end up hurting the Vikings more than they know. Even if Favre did have the right intentions there is the pesky little issue of his performance. Do the Vikings really want to watch Favre break their heart in the post season with ill-advised throws into double coverage?

It’s a low class move on Favre’s part. In spite of the way things ended up, Green Bay, the team and the fans, treated him like a king for most of his career. Regardless of what he does he will always be remembered as a Packer but if he goes through with this and signs with the Vikings his legacy in Green Bay will be tainted forever. Football is a business and ultimately fans put aside their personal feelings and accept it. 49ers fans understood why Jerry Rice and Joe Montana had to move on, but Rice and Montana didn’t sign with divisional rivals to spite the organization. If Favre signs with Minnesota he will have made it personal and every bit of goodwill he has earned with the fans will be exhausted.

Big 10 gets no credit for Sparty's success.

With Michigan State and North Carolina facing each other for the NCAA Championship tonight it would seem that the joke is on the mighty Big East. All of the experts spent the last two months of the season lauding the Big East and convincing the rest of us that the Big 10 and the ACC weren’t all that good. OK. Never mind the fact that the Big10 and the ACC faced the Big East head-to-head and won convincingly, and lets not carp over the fact that the Big East is home to half the teams in college basketball and logic would dictate that a few of them would be pretty good; the fact remains that the Big East did send two teams to the Final Four. That’s impressive. Seriously, it really is.

And while the Big 10 isn’t exactly playing tether ball, it’s tough to watch conference play. Michigan State is a tough team because they won a conference that seems to view basketball the way Jim Naismith did when he invented it: as a way to keep footballers in shape. Players routinely get mauled in the Big 10 and it results in ugly slugfest games with really low scores. It also creates the illusion that the Big 10 isn’t talented enough to face quality opposition deep in the NCAA Tournament. Michigan State, regardless of the outcome tonight, has proven that theory invalid.

Of course that doesn’t mean that the Big Ten should pat itself on the back for a job well done. I’m a Big 10 fan. That is to say that I was pulling for Michigan State the whole way. I wanted that rest of the Big 10 to do well too, but I really like Tom Izzo and I felt that a deep run in this tournament would finally get him the national recognition he deserves. The guy is a great coach and deserves to be mentioned in the same sentence as Jim Calhoun, Rick Pitino and Coach K. By advancing to the championship game, Izzo accomplishes that. I hope he wins it all, but that’s just icing on the cake. Michigan State’s got a lot to be proud of.

The Big 10, doesn’t deserve Tom Izzo. Fans don’t deserve the Big 10. Tough play is one thing, but that doesn’t mean the games should be tough to watch. The Big 10 needs to revamp its officiating crew and do something to open the games up. Against UConn Michigan State ran. Nobody knew that Izzo’s team could run the floor that way but the Spartans used the fast break to gain an edge over UConn. The Huskies seemed confused by it, the announcers were impressed and the analysts were dumbfounded. Where did Sparty get his jets?

It’s not that Michigan State couldn’t run, for some reason it doesn’t happen in the Big 10. Not enough. Officiating crews seem to give defenses the benefit of the doubt so teams get away with the physical plays (fouls) that other conferences frown on. Moreover, the offense doesn’t get the benefit of the doubt on traveling, screens and pick and roll plays. There seems to be a conspiracy afoot to keep scoring minimal and the pace of the game slow. So the Big 10 regular season is like an 18 game boot camp. It’s the reverse of everywhere else in sports where rules are tweaked to increase offensive production.

I enjoy college basketball but I don’t watch much regular season play and I rarely bother with the Big 10. I keep track of the box scores and read the game recaps, but I have trouble watching. It’s just so boring. I’ve heard people say that it’s real basketball because teams play tough zone defense and there’s a lot of half court action, but that’s just something people say. It’s inferior basketball and people shouldn’t feel obligated to watch it.

It’s not just the officials. Schools like Penn State, Northwestern and Wisconsin aren’t talented enough to play more the more up-tempo games. They just don’t recruit the kind of players who can run up and down the court night after night and average 80 points per game. So those teams have to resort to brute force. Tom Izzo joked that he blames Woody and Bo for the “Three yards and a cloud of dust” mentality that permeates the entire conference. It was funny, but had a ring of truth.

Perhaps the answer isn’t in tweaking the officiating, but maybe some thought should be given to eliminating more of the conference games. Why should Michigan State have to play Iowa and Penn State twice? Drop a few of those games off the schedule and let the more competitive teams in the conference schedule more non-conference games.

That’s not to say that all of the Big 10 players are inferior, they’re just forced to play that way most of the year. Now that they’re out from under the suffocating blanket of Big 10 officiating, Michigan State is flying high and has a chance to win a title. North Carolina will be a tough test, but it’s going to be fun to watch, mostly because you can’t be sure what to expect out of Michigan State. That’s how they beat UConn and Louisville, neither one of those teams was ready for the incarnation of Michigan State that took the floor against them.

There are Big 10 apologists who would turn that logic back on me and ask why the Big 10 would want to change if their tactics helped Michigan State fool the field. It’s a fair point, but too often it doesn’t work that way. Sometimes the Big 10 is caught flat-footed and unable to keep up with running teams. Let’s not forget that while Michigan State is enjoying a great run, a number of other Big 10 entries failed miserably. Notably, Ohio State looked lethargic in their first round game against a smallish Siena team and even if you could point to consistent tournament success you’re still stuck with the snooze factory that is the regular season. Is it really worth the empty seats and dwindling television audiences?

Perhaps it would be if the Big 10 made more Final Four appearances or tucked a few more titles under its belt, but most of the time the Big 10 falls short of achieving the benchmarks that would mitigate that way its regular season games are played.

It’s something to think about tonight. If Michigan State wins I’m going to be mad at the Big 10 for stifling them all year, if they lose I’ll wonder if they would have fared better had they been able to run a little more during the regular season. The Big 10 can’t win. I only hope that Michigan State can.

This isn't your father's NCAA

When Billy Gillispie eschewed a happy home at UTEP for the allegedly prestigious trappings of Kentucky I thought he was making a big mistake. After just two seasons, Kentucky pulled the plug on Gillispie and they seem poised to lure John Calipari away from Memphis. This is a big mistake for Kentucky. Calipari is too in love with himself to pass up the job. He’ll go to Kentucky, act like he’s god and in about four years he’s going to realize that Kentucky’s trustees and boosters aren’t willing to change their ways.

Gillispie was in the middle of rebuilding the Kentucky program to succeed in the modern era of college basketball. That’s where teams embrace the so-called one-and-done players who only play in college because the NBA insists that they wait a year before joining the league. Old school coaches want to establish continuity and recruit upstanding citizens who believe in the school and want to play for four years. That’s a formula that just isn’t working. Just ask Duke about it.

Granted North Carolina and UConn are in the Final Four and they feature allegedly old school coaches as well as players who seem committed to the names on the front of the jerseys, and Michigan State managed to bully its way into the picture with a bunch of guys that probably don’t pique the interest of most NBA scouts. While it’s true that experience goes a long way in the tournament, athleticism matters too. Experience doesn’t mean anything if you don’t have the athletes to get you there. So balance is the key. Coaches can’t focus entirely on NBA ready talent, but they shouldn’t limit themselves to players who have to spend four years in college either.

By all accounts, Billy Gillispie was doing a good job as far as recruiting, but because Tubby Smith tried to recruit four year players who wanted the honor of playing for a storied program, Gillispiie faced the challenge of opening doors that Kentucky simply hadn’t knocked on before. Players are committing to programs earlier and earlier. For some reason the NCAA doesn’t see a problem with coaches cultivating relationships AAU clubs and tendering scholarship offers to players before they even play a varsity game. That forces a guy in Gillispie’s situation to either focus on a four year plan or betray a lot of trust by coaxing kids to renege on early commitments.

Gillispie made his own bed. He had a pretty sweet deal with UTEP. Fans and trustees don’t expect a sweet 16 finish every season but they still value a good coach who keeps their team competitive. Gillispie thought the grass was greener at Kentucky because he was caught up in the mystique of that program. But that mystique was in his own mind.

Calipari, like most coaches, craves the spotlight and at Memphis it’s not on him all the time. Memphis plays in a smaller conference so Calipari’s not a celebrity until his team makes the Tournament. At Kentucky, Calipari have all eyes on him throughout the season. Especially in his first season or two, where people would be curious to see how his game holds up in a tougher conference. Calipari, however, had better hope success comes sooner rather than later.

Players today don’t care about history. It’s likely that they never really did. I can only speak for myself, but when I was of the age that these players are committing to colleges I thought four years ago was ancient history. Because when you’re 16 it is. When I was 12 I was a lot more interested in watching Thundar the Barbarian than I was in the Final Four. That changed quickly but when I did start taking an interest in watching sports I couldn’t be bothered with educating myself as to who won the title three years earlier.

My perceptions were shaped by the adults I knew and what my friends were thinking. I didn’t know anything about Adolph Rupp at the time. I was trying to find a team I could identify with and being a Cleveland-area boy I took an interest in Cleveland State because around the time I started enjoying sports as a spectator Cleveland State was in the process of upsetting Indiana in the NCAA Tournament. Even so, I was much more enamored with the NBA because the players were better and the games were more fun to watch.

I know, there are college basketball “purists” who argue the point and insist that the fundamentals of the college game are better. That’s a load of crap. 99% of the players playing college basketball right now couldn’t mop the locker room floor in the NBA. LeBron James, Steve Nash and Dwight Howard would cruise through the NCAA tournament 3 on 5 and not one game would be close.

So it’s not surprising that great players want to get to the big stage as quickly as possible. Especially before some egomaniacal college coach ruins them by putting his own interests ahead of the interests of his players. That’s a huge problem in college hoops. Coaches are driven by ego. It was the reason for Bobby Knight’s demise at Indiana, and it is undoing Coach K at Duke. If Calipari leaves Memphis for Kentucky his ego will ultimately do him in as well.

Kentucky’s run in the sun could be over. Besides all of the shady deals—the hiring of parents and AAU coaches, the offers of scholarships to friends and family—players are lured to luxurious facilities and national exposure. Nobody cares about the history of Cameron Indoor, kids aren’t going to fall in love with Rupp Arena. They want to know how many games you play on national television and how often you get into the NCAA tournament. Forget about the “college experience”; where’s the bling?

Right or wrong, that’s how it is. Most people go to college to get something in return. They hope that they can parlay the time they invest at school into a bigger salary when they get out. Ambiance and history are secondary to that. Why should athletes be any different? College is a means to an end and the programs that will be successful in the future will be the programs that get players where they want to be faster.

So Kentucky can save the history lesson for the fans and get down to the business that is basketball. The tables have turned, the four year plan is gone. The best players in the country are calling the shots, the prolonged exploitation of the athlete pretending to be a student is over. One-and-done is the norm. Until places like Kentucky and Duke learn to accept that and embrace it, success will continue to elude them.

Pondering the World of Sports

Can somebody get Jay Cutler a binky? I’m sure that it’s a little unnerving to discover that your new coach would rather have somebody else as his starting QB, but when you really get down to it that’s pretty much how every QB not named Peyton Manning feels. Seriously, Jay, put on the big boy pants and play ball. Every player in the NFL is available if the right offer is made and sometimes teams feign interest in a deal just to make sure that a rival isn’t pulling off a steal.

Speaking of babies, Curt Schilling, announced his retirement and the discussion is raging: is he a hall of famer? A lot of baseball people think he his; even though he falls short of several statistical milestones people revere. What sets Curt apart is his post season success but the Hall of Fame isn’t a post season award, it’s an honor bestowed upon the best players in the game. Should Curt get a pass for all those mediocre seasons? There’s speculation that Curt’s surly disposition could cost him a vote or two and a few baseball writers think that’s wrong. The Hall of Fame is about what you do on the field, they claim. Of course when somebody happens to be a great guy on and off the field they give him credit for being an “ambassador of the game”. So if being a swell guy can help somebody get in, why can’t being a jerk hold somebody back? It seems to me that there should be consequences for being a jackass.


Speaking of jackass, why would the Celtics want to add Stephon Marbury to their team? There’s no question that the dude has talent, but can the Celtics really afford a tantrum in the middle of a tough series against Orlando or Cleveland? You’d think Marbury would have the sense to keep his mouth shut and go along for the ride but one thing Marbury has proven throughout his career is that he doesn’t have any sense. If the Celtics win, Marbury will probably be a model prisoner but the danger is how he might act if the team gets stuck in an 0-3 hole. There’s no question that Boston’s got the talent to win four games in a row, but Marbury could easily derail the effort if he decides to pout. As a lifelong Cavaliers fan, I’m hoping for a classic Starbury implosion.

Implosion pretty much describes the Cleveland Browns. Eric Mangini is remaking the entire team in his own image which is to say that he’s alienating existing players and poaching a roster full of mediocrity from the New York Jets. Rumor has it that Mangini is strutting around Browns HQ with oodles of ego, but that the act isn’t impressing anybody. Mangini squandered his credibility with the New York Jets. He was the hot young protégé of Bill Belichick a few years ago when he was hired by the Jets but aside from stirring up trouble when he blew the whistle on Spygate, his career stalled. The Jets finally cut him loose after he presided over the Jets meltdown last year. Four years from now the Browns will be starting from scratch again with a new coach and a paucity of talent. Perhaps the NFL should put an end to Ohio’s misery by combining the Brown and the Bengals into one semi-respectable team and relegate it to the CFL where they might actually make the playoffs.

Playoffs? Don’t talk about playoffs. Not if you’re the Cleveland Indians. Cliff Lee will follow his Cy Young performance with a humbling season of frustration. It was a fluke. Lee is a mediocre pitcher who had everything go his way last year. The Indians will probably be a more productive team this time around but Lee will be lucky to crack the .500 mark. Fausto Carmona will be healthy this year but expect him to look mortal as well. It’s just the reality of the game. A lot of guys have great seasons but great pitchers are few and far between. Mark Shapiro is nuts if he thinks that he’s managed to slip a couple of aces in his deck when nobody was looking.

The Yankees are probably going to be surprised the return they get on their off season investment plan. CC Sabathia is a streaky pitcher who isn’t known for sticking to a conditioning plan. He’s due for a down year and considering the signing bonus he just cashed, I’d bet that he’s going to get off to a slow start. Yankee fan won’t like that and CC isn’t going to like the fishbowl that is New York City. I’m sure there are tabloid editors itching to dazzle readers with clever “CC” nicknames. Calorie Consumer, Check Casher, Chilli Cheese…

I didn’t mention the NCAA Tournament because my brackets--yes there were several (hundred)--are busted. I wanted to pick Cleveland State over Wake but I didn’t. I really thought Ohio State’s size was going to give Siena trouble. Now we’re already staring at the Sweet 16 and there aren’t any surprises. It’s all chalk. Some people like it that way, others don’t. I’ll reserve my opinion until after I see next weekend’s games. The bottom line is that the best teams are supposed to advance. When you have a lot of upsets it only proves that nobody knows what they’re talking about. Most of the time that’s true, but after watching thousands of games played over the course of six months you’d think that identifying the top 15 teams in the country wouldn’t be hard to do. So all the ones, twos and threes are still alive. There won’t be a Cinderella story this year, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t some good games left to watch. Especially if you want Gonzaga to win it all.

Jose Canseco is my hero

Jose Canseco is my favorite baseball player of all time. I don’t believe that he belongs in the Hall of Fame because he didn’t bring anything to the table defensively but some of my favorite athletes in other sports will never get into their respective halls of fame either.

I first became aware of Jose Canseco back in the late 80s. He was built like a defensive end long before you saw baseball players hitting the weights to build muscle. Before Jose turned in that 40/40 performance in 1988 it was widely believed that weightlifting would diminish flexibility and bat speed. Jose Canseco was a key factor in the Oakland A’s success and a lot of people forget that Mark McGwire was really the Robin to Canseco’s Batman. Over the years McGwire emerged as the hero, at least before he scurried away from the truth like a cockroach suddenly bathed in light.

I knew Canseco was on Steroids back in 1988. I was 17 and had no background in physiology nor did I ever dabble in steroids myself, but I knew he was juicing. Whenever anybody is built like that you have to be suspicious, but when somebody weighs 250 pounds and runs fast enough to steal 40 bases over 158 games you can take the suspicions to the bank.

I also recall reading an article on Jose Canseco and saw pictures of him in the minor leagues; pictures of a comparatively scrawny Canseco standing next to his equally scrawny brother. At the age of 17 I knew that it wasn’t natural for a guy to pack on that much muscle in such a short period of time. He had to be on steroids.

Of course there were plenty of media types who refused to speculate on that. I still remember listening to Jim Rome lash out at people who questioned the authenticity of Mark McGwire’s physique. Rome seemed to think that McGwire just spent more time in the gym than anybody else and he readily admonished people for being jealous of his work ethic when they speculated that those muscles came from a bottle.

That’s why to this day I think Jim Rome is the biggest moron in all of sports. Here’s a guy who gets paid to spew his opinion all day. He’s got no reason to hedge. You can’t get sued for slander and libel for expressing an opinion, where as real sports journalists can’t speculate without proof. Of course most sports journalists balk at having to cover anything resembling real news. They’d rather wax philosophically about the meaning of the game and focus and stats. Some guys like Jim Rome, who served as apologists for the better part of a decade, can share some of the blame for ruining baseball. I’d say guys like Rome are more to blame than Bud Selig because guys like Rome played an active role in dodging the issue. Selig just pretended not to see a problem which is a reasonable position considering most people weren’t making an issue out of it.

When Jose Canseco’s book, Juiced, was published people were furious. He was accused of being dishonest and throwing former teammates under the bus for the sake of getting paid. Everybody Canseco named called him a liar but nobody took legal action. The steroid apologists argued that it’s hard to prove a negative, but the reality is that none of those guys wanted to have private investigators poking around. As the issue of steroids become a priority and major league baseball implemented testing the truth slowly came into light. Raphael Palmeiro famously tested positive for Stanzinol, a powerful steroid, less than six months after testifying before Congress that he had never used steroids.

People started to give Canseco some credit but there were still suspicions that he got lucky when Palmeiro came up dirty. One of the reasons people questioned Canseco was because he dropped Alex Rodriguez’s name into the mix. A lot of people felt like Jose did that to sell books and possibly to impugn the integrity of baseball in general since A Rod was the golden child. Everybody loved him and believed that he would re-legitimize the game by setting all the records the right way. That all came unraveled over the past several weeks. A Rod, like McGwire, Palmeiro, Roger Clemens and numerous others, cheated and lied. His integrity is gone and his accomplishments are tainted. Baseball now has two black eyes.

Jose Canseco won’t go down in history as the guy who cleaned up baseball. I wouldn’t even go so far as to credit him with being a whistle blower. He simply came clean about a subject with which he was familiar. He confirmed what a lot of people had suspected for years.

Going forward it’s irresponsible to think that steroids will go way. The NFL has had a testing policy for years and steroids are still a rampant problem. Testing procedures are a joke but the goal isn’t to eradicate steroids so much as it is to create an illusion of propriety. Most NFL fans will agree that the majority of players in the NFL would fail the tests used in the Olympics and it’s understood that the 4 game suspension imposed by the NFL is a punishment for stupidity more than it is a sanction for cheating. Baseball is taking the same approach. Players are still taking steroids; they’re just smarter about hiding that fact.

So I’m going to go ahead and appreciate Jose Canseco because as far as I can tell the only difference between his career and that of everybody else is that he’s willing to admit that steroids helped him out. He’s never made any bones about that. Which is more than you can say for A Rod, who is now claiming that he’s not sure if steroids provided him with a physical advantage or if it was just psychological.

A Rod’s act of contrition is making me sick. I understand that he has to see himself as a brand and take steps to protect his image but he’s laying the BS on really thick. He’s tried to blend a heartfelt apology with a litany of excuses. He was young and naïve. He felt a lot of pressure to live up to his massive contract. He never went to college. His nameless cousin injected him with an over-the-counter substance purchased in the Dominican Republic.

When asked what steroids did for his game he answered that he felt that steroids “like anything else” are 50% mental. Then he said that if you drink water believing it will make you better you will perform at a higher level. Perhaps he didn’t compare steroids to water, but why did he even go there? It’s like he’s trying to make sure his confirmed steroid period doesn’t get subtracted from his legacy when it comes time to tally up the final numbers.

Jose Canseco never hemmed or hawed about what he did. If you ask him he will tell you exactly what he took, provide the dosage and outline his regimen. Canseco has never tried to dismiss the impact steroids had on his performance. He’s said all along that they made everything come easier. Steroids cut his workout time in half, helped him recover from injuries faster and allowed him to play longer.

Moreover, Jose Canseco doesn’t claim that he was misled by anybody or blame his youth for his mistakes. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard Canseco call taking steroids a mistake. It seems as though he went into the world of steroids with eyes wide open. He doesn’t blame his steroid use on ambitious trainers, mysterious cousins or teammates with vials of tainted B-12. Jose Canseco is far from being a role model, but what athlete really is. These guys are human beings who get paid a lot of money to be really good at playing a game—not to be team players—not to be role models, but to perform at a high level as individual athletes. It’s important to keep your expectations reasonable.

These guys know that steroids are illegal and regardless of whether or not their league specifically outlined a policy prohibiting the use of steroids they know that steroids are tantamount to cheating. I knew that when I was 17. Professional athletes take steroids because they want to have an edge. That’s the one thing that all great athletes have in common. Steroids provide a significant advantage and when you minimize the risk of getting caught it’s a temptation few are going to pass up.

Do you think it’s magic when a QB manages to cut his recovery time in half coming off of major surgery? Were you really under the impression a 40 year-old pitcher could still bring 100 mph heat in September? Had you been holding out hope that Alex Rodriguez was actually from the planet Krypton?

Maybe A Rod thinks he can get away with his sob story because the fans and the media have proven themselves willing to accept this nonsense for so long. College football fans will marvel at a linebacker’s work ethic when he packs on 50 pounds of solid muscle over three years and not for one second consider the possibility that it wasn’t real. When you ask reporters and columnists why they don’t pose the steroid question more often they’ll tell you that it’s not fair to assume that everybody is on steroids.

But everybody isn’t falling under suspicion, only people who do freakish things. It’s a logical question and anybody who has hit the weights or the track in hopes of being a better athlete can tell you that some of these guys make it look too easy. The reason the average jock doesn’t spend 9 hours a day in the gym is because the human body isn’t built to endure that kind of regimen unless you’re providing it with unnatural levels of testosterone and growth hormone.

People don’t want to accept that. During Mark McGwire’s magical pursuit of the single season home run record there were people who pondered the physical transformation of Big Mac. He was a bulging beast of a man who, at an age when a lot of players see their skills diminish, was performing at the highest level of his career. Nobody wanted to talk about it. They wanted to enjoy history.

Well that history is ruined. Everything that has happened in baseball since the middle of the 80s is under suspicion…including Cal Ripken’s streak. Yeah, I said it. Cal was part of a tainted era and it’s not hard to believe that a guy obsessed with playing more than 2000 consecutive games wouldn’t be tempted to improve his recovery time between starts. It’s not like Cal was a young man when he broke Gehrig’s record and as far as we know Cal never passed a steroid test. More importantly, Cal played with guys who took steroids. Even if he didn’t take them he failed to take stand against them. That makes him, at the very least, an accessory.

Canseco’s hands aren’t clean. He was more than happy to pass his knowledge along to other players. They’d go to him for advice on what to take, where to get it and how to take it. Of course blaming Canseco for the problem is unfair; it’s all the players, coaches, general managers, owners, league officials, commissioners, fans, and reporters who looked the other way who made steroids the rule rather than the exception. Steroids were accepted by the people who mattered. Everybody’s guilty.

What sets Jose Canseco apart is his candor. You can say that he’s doing it for attention or money or to elevate his legacy by degrading the rest of baseball’s. I won’t argue that. But regardless of his motives it would appear that he’s being honest. That’s more than I can say for anybody else. So, Jose Canseco, you’re my hero.

Stealers win....we all lose.

Nice Timing

I thought we might have reached the “nobody cares” threshold regarding Michael Phelps but recently the Olympic….err, umm, athlete who won something at the recent games in…uhh…that one country issued an apology for getting caught on film taking a bong hit.

Man, with his lung capacity you’d better hope he brought his own.

Look folks, Phelps is 23 and he’s spent a significant portion of his childhood competing at an Olympic level which means he hasn’t had a childhood. If you think Lindsay Lohan has had it rough, check out the schedule of a world class amateur athlete sometime. He’s allegedly a world record holder and he can get across open water faster than Jesus Christ so let’s cut him a little slack and let him chill. He deserves a break and a family-sized bag of Goldfish snack crackers. Unless this was all a publicity stunt on his part to get a little ink right before the Super Bowl…you know, kind of like Santonio Holmes telling the whole world he used to sell drugs. Sorry, but if Santonio wanted to be a humanitarian he would have made that revelation upon starting up an outreach program.

Super Sunday


I watched the Super Bowl in spite of a full two weeks of idle threats not to. Yes, it's because I'm bitter and jealous because the Cleveland Browns are a joke, but let's be honest Steeler Nation: most of you weren't old enough to remember when the Steelers won two thirds of their titles. I know this because of been to Pittsburgh and can attest to the fact that the average life expectancy there is 40. Seriously, if you see somebody who looks 60 it means that they're getting ready to graduate from trade school. Ok, enough Pittsbugh bashing. They've got a great organization because they have owners who aren't stupid. DO YOU HEAR ME RANDY LERNER????

I did manage to avoid too much of the hype by watching a reruns of House but I forgot that the FCC requires at least 40 full minutes of verbal masturbation before every deciding championship game and I caught part of Faith Twain singing the official national anthem of WalMart shoppers and conservative Christians who burn books during the work week. God Bless America? Please, has anybody noticed how our “anthems” are simply reworded versions of English songs? I guess it was good in the sense that it reminded me why I hate country music. You know it’s bad if it can make the beauty pageant rejects they sign to Nashville record contracts seem unattractive. I used the remaining 3 minutes to round up some snacks.

Unfortunately I returned in time to be subjected to a really lousy arrangement of the Star Spangled Banner which was screamed at me by a chunky Jennifer Hudson. It opened like a Disney movie and turned into a Tim Burton joint. J-Hud, as the homies like to call her, seems to be on the Aretha Franklin diet program. Yeah, go ahead and call her curvy but when they have to reserve two seats for her at next year’s American Music Awards I’ll be sure to tell you I told you so. The girl can sing, but she didn’t do it on Super Bowl Sunday. I think she ate some of my guacamole instead. Right through the TV. That’s how bad she sucked.

The game proved to be pretty good although the officials seemed to have it in for the Cardinals all night long. They avoided ringing Pittsburgh up with penalties until the Steelers started snatching purses from women in the stands late in the game. The Cardinals managed to make a game of it in spite of tallying up more yards in penalties than the Cincinnati Bengals amassed all year. Still, you wonder if Deshea Townshend gets nailed for holding when he grabbed and dragged Kurt Warner out of bounds on Harrison’s 100 yard interception return for a TD, would the game have been the same?

Probably, especially considering that the Cardinals didn’t seem interested in playing unless they were behind. Once the Cardinals picked up the lead they quit and that’s why the Steelers marched right down the field and scored the winning TD with half a minute to play. I didn’t like a few of the calls that went Pittsburgh’s way but after everything was said and done the Cardinals laid an egg. Witty, no?

Then Ken Whiz-in-hut, the first Native American coach to advance to the Super Bowl, topped the whole thing off with the dumbest quote ever: we scored too quickly.

This is a popular thing for coaches to say when they battle back to take the lead only to have their opponent march right back and win in the final seconds. It’s like an excuse but it’s stupid because THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SCORING TOO QUICKLY!!! That’s true during the regular season, it’s true on prom night and it’s definitely true in the Super Bowl. You score when you can. Too quickly, indeed.

Yeah, stupid Larry Fitzgerald had to go and ruin the whole game by scoring from 64 yards out because as we all know the NFL doesn’t allow a team to play defense if they are ahead with less then five minutes left. Shut up Ken. You play to win the game and you win the game by scoring more points than your opponent. If you try to get cute and burn up the clock you just might burn up your chances to win…especially against a defense like Pittsburgh’s. Tell it like it is: you thought the game was in the bag and you stopped playing to win. That's what happened. Idiot. That's why the Cardinals were 9-7...the coach doesn't know how to put things away.

You lost because whatever you were doing on defense to shut the Steelers down all game long either stopped working and you failed to adjust, or you stopped doing it and let the Steelers win. Either way that loss is 100% on the coaching staff and the handful of defensive players who decided that Santonio Holmes had cooties. The guy’s a good athlete but the Cardinals made him look like Barry Sanders out there. It’s too bad because right up until that final drive the Cardinals’ defense was outstanding. But the game is 60 minutes long...unless you're at home, where it lasts forever. I guess in the span of the four hours and change from opening kick to final gun it's easy to lose track of two or three minutes of game time. I managed to lose at least a third of a bag of corn chips in the cushion of my couch...unless Hudson got them.

In spite of it all the game was the most entertaining part of the whole affair…unless you count the one hour episode of The Office that followed. The commercials were dull, probably because all of the companies with a sense of humor are out of business right now, and the halftime show was tired and old, much like that wrinkled old guy who was screaming into the microphone the whole time.

(As an aside, why is Danica Patrick still doing Go Daddy commercials? She's not nearly as attractive as we once thought and she's a mediocre race car driver. At least Anna Kournikova made up for her lack of skill be being legitimately hot and Maria Sharipova is both hot and talented. Mostly hot, which is the most important thing if you're doing commercials. The only attraction to Danica Patrick is that she's surly, but so far it's all bark and no bite. Until she throws down I really don't need to see her. )

Of course the worst performance on the microphone had to be Al Michaels. There was a time when he was one of the best broadcasters in the business but for some reason he was tough to take last night. He seemed too excitable and kept repeating the same 2 big words he memorized before the game. I don't think that word means what you think it means. Maybe John Madden ate his thesaurus before the game.

I’m not saying Michaels is stupid, but everything seemed forced last night. Ben Roethlisberger, on the other hand, seems stupid. Every time I hear that guy talk he sounds a little dumber. He might be a heck of a football player but when he talks I think my brain starts to smooth over. Maybe it’s Pittsburgh. It seems to me just about everybody who has ever played the QB position in Pittsburgh ends up sounding like a rube.

The good news is that he’ll have a future after he retires because the “analysts” the networks to hire don’t seem to exude much in the way of brain power. Fox has already turned the pre and post game shows into frat parties for old guys who hawk Levitra in their spare time and CBS isn’t upping the ante with their lineup.